Rediscovery

This past year has been a lot and I am not the only one who feels this way either.

Within in this past year a lot of growth has happened. I now am well aware of my self worth and working more each day to honor myself. I have never treated myself well ever when it comes to men. I let my fascination with them get the best of me.

I lose myself. I want to do anything and everything to please them. I settle for whatever place they put me in.

And with me being completely accepting of wherever I end up, they then have the choice to dismiss ever knowing me.

It been an unfortunate pattern, but I am now aware of the long term effects of allowing this treatment. I am numb. It been happening to me for so long that I allow it and feel I only deserve that.

I have been the reason men have stepped up for other women but no one has for me. I have men all the time wanting to go on dates with me, but I am not interested in them at all. I am told I should model and that I look beautiful, etc. I see myself everyday and I feel that I am beautiful, but no one has made me feel like that. I have never had that all around person.

Having had only settled for being a secret all this time, I only see myself as that.

I am more than that.

Slowly but surely I will be at a place of content, but lately it has been difficult. Each day unsure how I let myself be treated like that and for so long. I always think so much more of people than they do of me. In doing so that allows me to have stronger ties to the men I see, but then forgetting being a secret shows how little they value me.

I am not going to let this make me cold hearted because I always will believe in the good of people. I am now on a path of rediscovering my individuality and focusing on my next steps in life, which I am so hype for.

All in all, the last person I was seeing showed me that you truly do not need a penis to cum.