Still Part 2
Unsure how I feel? Third version is the charm.
If I stopped a year ago, I still wouldn’t be here.
I met someone who was more into me through someone I wanted to be more into me. Read that again.
I had a situtationship with both. It was selectively chosen to be that way. I didn’t fully plan on the extents of how long each situationship would last. One should never met someone and know exactly when they will stop seeing someone. I knew I couldn’t cut her off if I continued to see him. She treated me drastically better. She did everything that I wanted him to do.
It just kinda happened. I met her through him. She did more for me than he wanted to. She took me on dates, she spent time with me, she met my friends. She was there for me when I needed her. And to think I met her through a man who never wanted that. And if he did I’ll never know, he had someone else he wanted more.
She knew who he was before I really did so when I met her through him and she was over his shit… I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Sometimes still can’t, but she was right. It just didn’t pissed me off as much as it should’ve.
I didn’t know how I was going to keep it up. I wanted to forget anything I may have associated with him. She was one of them, but she really liked me. I was always afraid of not being what she wanted. I was more into him. She was a loving, kind, understanding person but it was the foundation of how we began. I was going to sleep with this man whether she came over to hangout or not.
I always wished that I met her differently. I can’t change anything. I am glad I met them both for I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I won’t be the same person once I recover from this fucked up situation. I’ll be a new kickass woman who now knows how fun it is to be with men and women. Something I never would've had if I still didn’t want more.
A year later now neither in my life
for better or for worse
At least now I have the ability to be alone and find myself.
I am still going to be processing all that happened or didn’t. I am still going to have days that I feel good and days that I don’t. One thing for sure I am going to have to forgive in order to no longer feel this way.
You still can't tell me why you needed to start with me
You still can’t say what I meant if any
I completely changed how I viewed life and now I’m lost
I wanted so much more for you, but that still wouldn’t have mattered
I’m now just a still image. One you've probably been able to forget.
However if the case, you still wouldn’t be fighting to get her back. I thought you had that figured out and had already removed me from existing.
Your name is next to hers on her mother's funeral card thought you had your relationship figured out. Considered donating.
I still remember me saying you could have me. I was yours. But not the other way. Why?
Nonetheless I’m truly honored you compared me to women you dated when you also made it clear to me we didn’t. Must mean I had some importance right?
Remember:
I ended it with you. I don't want you back. You played me like a fool.
I was the one to tell. You never felt guilty.
So yes I am still fucked up. Takes one to know one. I shouldn't be so hung up on someone who spells my name wrong.
